I’m looking for some advice regarding some concerns I have about custody and accusations of parental alienation. About six years ago, I left my children’s father, who I was engaged to but never married, due to worsening domestic violence and emotional abuse. Some of these incidents were witnessed by our children when they were very young. I managed to leave, which was really hard for me, and we didn’t go to court back then because he distrusted the legal system. For the first three years after I left, we split time with the kids relatively equally. I noticed he would often lose his temper around the kids, including screaming at them and berating them. At one point, after finding a suspicious mark on my son’s buttocks, I felt I had to report it to the police and CPS because I was very concerned about potential child abuse.During those first years, he would often complain that I was alienating the kids from him and that I spoke badly about him to them. In reality, I did my best to keep any discussions about him positive, despite the circumstances. Fast forward to 2022, I got a call from his then-girlfriend who told me he was being violent in front of the kids and verbally abusing them. She was pregnant with his child at that point, and after our discussion, I encouraged her to file a police report regarding the abuse, which she did. I called CPS myself out of concern for my children’s safety. Eventually, we were able to get an emergency restriction on his time with them, which led to court-ordered supervised visits and a Child and Family investigator getting involved.In the following months, despite my efforts to support the kids’ relationship with him, their visits would often leave them feeling angry and dysregulated. I documented everything they shared with me about their experiences. In March 2024, his girlfriend left him again, citing continued violence and mistreatment of our children. Although she did not file another police report, I reached out to CPS with those concerns. I facilitated video calls for them with their dad, even as he resisted going to court to adjust the visitation order to reflect the changes in supervision.Recently, I found out he has engaged a new attorney. They’ve sent a communication alleging that I’m withholding parenting time and that I am alienating the kids from their dad. I have all the documentation to prove that I’ve actively supported his visitation rights and that he even stated he wasn’t ready to parent them yet. I guess my question is, when someone makes accusations of alienation, what is the court actually looking for to determine whether those claims have merit? I’ve worked hard to promote a healthy relationship between the kids and their father, but I can’t do all the work for him.
Honestly, from what you’ve said, it sounds like you’re doing everything to support their relationship. If he can’t meet the conditions for his visits, you’re not withholding them.
I think you should focus on what you can prove. Keep all your records of visits and any communication about the kids. It can help your case for sure.
I’ve heard that accusations like these can often be used to confuse things in court. Keeping your documentation straight sounds smart.
Just know that the court might take the accusations seriously because they can be a common tactic for abusers. Definitely get support and be prepared for anything.
From what it sounds like, he needs to take responsibility. If he’s not showing up for scheduled calls or visits, that’s on him, not you.
Make sure you stay strong about what’s best for the kids. It sounds like you’re doing that already.
Just stay calm and keep being consistent. The court is going to look at who is actively involved and caring for the kids too.