I’m 21 and my fiancé, who is 27, has been threatening to leave me and take our 7-month-old child from me. He’s even mentioned taking me to court for custody multiple times. I stay home with our baby every day, handle all of his needs, take him to appointments, and play with him. My fiancé is also in another custody battle with his ex.
He’s threatened me physically on a few occasions, but hasn’t actually hit me. He says it’s because I’ve been “mean,” but honestly, I’m feeling miserable with postpartum and never leave the house. I guess I’m reflecting that. I could really use some advice on how likely it is for him to get custody or how I can protect myself.
Contact a domestic violence shelter in your area. They can help you leave safely, get a restraining order, and fight for custody. Not all abusers hit, some just threaten or intimidate.
Steve said:
Contact a domestic violence shelter in your area. They can help you leave safely, get a restraining order, and fight for custody. Not all abusers hit, some just threaten or intimidate.
@Catherine
Also check out this forum’s domestic violence resources. Custody can be tricky in cases with intimate partner violence, and there are shelters listed by location. Wishing you the best, take care.
Most custody cases aim for shared custody, especially if there’s no danger to the child. You mentioned you don’t work, and I think it’s important to start planning for your future. Maybe find a job, so you’re financially stable and can support yourself and your baby. If he’s working, it’s possible the court will allow him some visitation, but that could be affected by his actions.
@Hannah
My fiancé takes my car at night for work, so I stay home with our child and his son. He doesn’t help out much on weekends, and I feel stuck in the situation. My family could probably help me leave, find a job, and relocate if I needed to.
@Catherine
Just be aware that if he fights you on it, relocation could be tough. Courts may not allow you to move too far away, especially if he’s looking for visitation.
Daire said: @Catherine
Just be aware that if he fights you on it, relocation could be tough. Courts may not allow you to move too far away, especially if he’s looking for visitation.
I didn’t know that! Thanks for the heads-up, it helps to understand what could happen.
Do you have family nearby? It seems like this relationship might not be the best for you. You should talk to them, be honest about what’s going on. You need a plan in case you need to leave. Have you thought about what you’d do if you had to get out fast? Your parents might be able to help.
@Lucy
My family lives in New Hampshire, and I’m in Maine with him now. I think they’d be willing to help. Before we got together, I was living with my family in NH.
Catherine said: @Lucy
My family lives in New Hampshire, and I’m in Maine with him now. I think they’d be willing to help. Before we got together, I was living with my family in NH.
Make sure to talk to your family soon. There might be legal issues with taking your baby out of state. Also, start thinking about finding a lawyer. This relationship has put you in a tough spot, but getting out is possible with their help. And be careful, don’t let him know your plans. If you can, use a friend’s phone or get a burner phone.
@Lucy
Thank you for the advice. My family and friends are aware of what’s been happening, and they’ve said they’ll support me. I’m just scared to leave after getting so used to this comfort, even though it’s not healthy.
Hey, man here, I’ve been through a similar situation. It’s tough, but based on what I know about family court and my own experience, it’s very hard for a court to give full custody to the father unless there are serious issues with the mother like jail or addiction. Most courts want to keep the baby with the mother unless there’s a real reason not to. I think your fiancé is just trying to scare you. Don’t let him! Courts usually support the mother, but it’s best to hire a lawyer and start preparing for your future. Be ready to support yourself and your baby. Focus on the child’s well-being. As for your fiancé, he needs to think about what’s best for the kid, not his ego.
@HarryIan4
Thank you for sharing your experience. Do you think it would be hard to get sole custody? There are some things he’s said that I don’t want my child around, like wanting an open relationship and bringing random women into the home if we split.
@Catherine
I don’t think wanting an open relationship is enough to get sole custody. You need to focus on documenting any abuse and call the cops if he gets violent. That’s what will make a bigger impact in court.
It’s possible that you’ll both end up with shared custody. Start looking for a job and thinking about how you can support yourself. It’s really important to plan ahead.
Gray said:
It’s possible that you’ll both end up with shared custody. Start looking for a job and thinking about how you can support yourself. It’s really important to plan ahead.