Hello all, sorry this may be a bit long. I (33F) have filed for divorce from my STBX (42M) after 12 years of marriage in California. I filed last month and am representing myself. The filings are confusing, and I’m not a lawyer, so I’ve been trying to gather more documentation before I file an amended petition and get my ex served. This is a very complicated case. We share 4 biological children together, all under the age of 13, and we share a marital home and marital assets. About 2 years ago, my ex lost his six-figure job, got fired, and has not looked for another job since. Before that, he was the breadwinner, while I contributed in non-financial ways, working full-time for about 2 years of our marriage and part-time for the rest. Currently, I’m an educator and in grad school to improve my job prospects, so money is tight. I’ve pleaded with my spouse to find another job, but he has refused, which led to my decision to file. He believes he no longer needs to support the family. He received a pension when he left his old company, but he won’t disclose how much is left and is currently using that to pay bills. I think we should save that money while he looks for another job, but he disagrees. I handle most of the household responsibilities and care for our children. Also, he has a substance abuse problem and is a heavy drinker, which has made our relationship rocky. I do not attempt to control him anymore since I’ve made my intentions clear about the divorce. However, he doesn’t communicate with me about finances or custody, and I’ve moved to a different floor of the house when things got volatile. Recently, the kids wanted to sleep downstairs with me, and he became very angry, threatening to call the cops, which made me realize we cannot stay under the same roof anymore. My question is, can I file a request for order to get things temporarily figured out while we work out the divorce long-term? I believe it’s healthiest for me to stay in the home with the children while he addresses his substance abuse and finds a job. He says I’m not allowed to do this and insists that I should leave instead. Since he purchased the home when we were dating, I’m worried about my rights to the home and any equity.
Yes, you can file a motion for temporary custody. Getting him out of the house may be more complicated, but his substance abuse could be a reason to pursue that.
Why would he leave the home he purchased before you were married? Consider moving into an apartment with the kids to start anew. It might make it easier to prove you’re the custodial parent later.
The law typically doesn’t care about the earlier purchase. You could try to recoup what you put into the house, but it sounds like you should focus on getting your children out of that environment.
This situation sounds really complicated. You really need an attorney. This is not something you should handle alone.
The court may not force him to leave. Usually, whoever leaves can lose custody, and he’s not likely to agree to leave if he wants custody.