Hello! I’m a Registered Nurse in Virginia, divorced, with no set visitation or child support arrangements. I work every third weekend, and for the past two years, my ex has had no issue keeping our daughter during that time. Recently, he’s started refusing, which could jeopardize my job. For context, my daughter lives with me full-time, and he sees her sporadically—about one or two days a month. He doesn’t pay child support but occasionally covers her childcare costs, which is inconsistent. Can I have the court require him to keep her on my assigned weekends so I can maintain my job? My income is crucial for her health insurance and our expenses, and I’m tired of the constant arguing.
Consider pursuing child support so you can afford weekend care! Alternatively, look for a clinic job that allows you weekends off.
Can you swap with a coworker to watch each other’s kids when you work? You’re probably not the only one facing this issue. Also, consider hiring a weekend sitter or asking around. And yes, take him to court for child support and to cover half of the daycare costs.
It seems you’re only allowing him to see his daughter when it’s convenient for you. Maybe that’s his issue.
Jalen said:
It seems you’re only allowing him to see his daughter when it’s convenient for you. Maybe that’s his issue.
I’m not allowing anything. He rarely wants to see her. I’m just asking for the bare minimum—at least every third weekend. He can have her whenever he wants.
He has the right to say no. You should file for child support and stipulate that he’s responsible for half of the childcare costs needed for you to work. Weekend childcare exists, but it can be pricey. His schedule might change once he’s financially responsible.
@Bliss
So it’s still only his responsibility? Brilliant.
Jalen said:
@Bliss
So it’s still only his responsibility? Brilliant.
She’s rightfully blaming him for not supporting his child. He can’t be forced to parent, but he can be made to contribute financially.
In Virginia, it’s unusual not to have a custody or child support arrangement. You should move to modify your current order to include child support and clear visitation times.
Ori said:
In Virginia, it’s unusual not to have a custody or child support arrangement. You should move to modify your current order to include child support and clear visitation times.
Many people don’t file for official custody or child support. It isn’t uncommon, and modifications can’t happen without an existing order. I agree she needs to file for these things.
Consider looking for a clinic or research job.
Odelia said:
Consider looking for a clinic or research job.
They don’t pay well, and my income is what supports both my daughter and me.
Odelia said:
Consider looking for a clinic or research job.
They don’t pay well, and my income is what supports both my daughter and me.
I work in a clinic and make more than I did inpatient; same hospital.
@Odelia
That’s rare. I’ve never seen a job like that in almost 12 years as a nurse.
The court can’t force him to have his child if he doesn’t want her. You need to find childcare for when you work and have him cover his share and pay child support.
Etta said:
The court can’t force him to have his child if he doesn’t want her. You need to find childcare for when you work and have him cover his share and pay child support.
If he has visitation rights, he can’t just refuse. If he has custodial time, he can be required to use it.
@Zade
That’s not true. My child’s father has no custodial time but is still responsible for half of childcare costs as per our order.
Etta said:
The court can’t force him to have his child if he doesn’t want her. You need to find childcare for when you work and have him cover his share and pay child support.
Finding someone to watch her from 6 AM to 7 PM on weekends isn’t feasible, so I’ll have to figure out another solution.
@Poppy
You need to think like a single parent. Get a job that matches your childcare needs or find childcare that fits your work schedule. It’s tough, but options exist. You could ask family, friends, or even neighbors for help. Consider posting in local parenting groups for assistance.
@Poppy
Ask coworkers what they do. There are apps like Sittercity or UrbanSitter to find vetted childcare.