Hi, I’m a 32-year-old single mother with four kids (13M, 9M, 9M, 7F). I’ve been married twice. My first husband left 10 years ago and hasn’t seen the kids since. My second husband passed away shortly after our divorce. I’ve been living with my dad (76M) since I left my first husband, and he’s been the father figure in my kids’ lives. We recently bought a house together. My kids and I are incredibly close to him, and I’d love for him to adopt them or at least have legal guardianship, as I never plan on dating or marrying again.
My main concern is that if something happens to me, my kids would end up with my first husband’s family, who hasn’t had contact with them in 10 years. My father has been their stable, loving guardian, and I’d rather they stay with him (and my mom, 57F, who would also help). I’ve heard that without a step-parent ready to adopt, it’s hard to terminate parental rights. My ex-husband is fully on board to surrender his rights.
I’d like to know if the court would allow my dad to adopt my children or if I should pursue guardianship. Any advice on the legal process of terminating my ex-husband’s parental rights and ensuring my dad has legal rights over my kids would be appreciated!
You definitely need to talk to a lawyer. Your ex can sign away his parental rights, but the tricky part is finding a replacement guardian or parent for adoption. A lawyer can help make sure your parents are set up to take over in case something happens to you.
I don’t think your dad will be able to adopt the kids because of his age. Guardianship seems more realistic, but since you’re still in the home and providing care, it could be complicated. Maybe you can modify the divorce decree to ensure your ex has no legal standing, and if anything happens to you, your parents can apply for guardianship.
@Harlem
I already have sole legal custody, and my ex has no parenting time or contact. I think guardianship might be the best route, maybe co-guardianship with both my dad and mom. I’m just worried about my ex’s family trying to gain custody if something happens to me.
You should look into contingent guardianship. Basically, the court could modify the order to make sure your custodial rights transfer automatically to a named guardian if something happens to you. Your dad might not be the best option because of his age, but your mom could be a great backup. Just make sure your lawyer draws up all the necessary paperwork.
Adoption may not be possible because it would make your dad their legal father, which could cause legal issues. Guardianship is probably a better solution. Also, considering your dad’s age, adding your mom as a co-guardian might be wise.
@Quinnley
Yeah, adoption isn’t a must for me. I just want my parents to have legal rights over my kids if something happens to me. Thanks for the advice!
Your dad’s age might be a concern for the court if you’re thinking about adoption. Guardianship is probably a more realistic option, and it’s good that you’re thinking about including your mom too.
Sullivan said:
Your dad’s age might be a concern for the court if you’re thinking about adoption. Guardianship is probably a more realistic option, and it’s good that you’re thinking about including your mom too.
That’s definitely something I’ve thought about. My dad’s still in great health, but it makes sense to include my mom just in case.
Cedar said:
You can try guardianship, but your dad’s age may be a concern for the court. What happens if he gets too old to take care of them?
If something happens to him, we’d just be back where we are now. But having him as the guardian would remove my ex’s family from the picture, which is my main goal. I’ll also look into adding my mom as a co-guardian.
I agree with others that guardianship is your best bet. Adoption could be tricky given your dad’s age and legal concerns. Just make sure you have everything legally set up so your parents can step in if needed.