Hey guys, I need some advice about my daughter’s father. He has been a pretty sporadic presence in her life since the beginning. He declined custody and visitation from the get-go and gave the court a hard time in child support until they came down on him. In short, he showed little interest, has blocked communication for years, and has pretty much left us on our own. When my daughter was three, she started asking questions about him, so I felt responsible for tracking him down. He popped up a few times, and during those moments, he seemed to co-parent decently. But then, he’d get mad—usually over money—and everything would fall apart. It had been almost two years since his last visit until recently, and now he’s back. He confessed that part of his interest in being around is due to some mental health issues he’s been working on. But things have gone downhill again. He was laid off and asked me to “pay him back,” which I can’t. He still travels and enjoys a busy social life but rarely calls and sees our child less than before. I’m worried about his stability, drinking, and drugs. He’s been hostile during visits and pushes to take her without any planning. I want to encourage visitation, but his bullying isn’t okay. I’m tired of feeling like I have to enable him just to get him involved. Am I overreacting to all this? He’s been underemployed for years and doesn’t comply with the child support order. I’ve let a lot slide to keep the peace for our girl, but safety is becoming a bigger concern. What should I do?
Wow, that sounds really tough. You’re not overreacting at all. Your daughter’s safety should come first. Have you thought about getting a legal agreement in place?
Allison said:
Wow, that sounds really tough. You’re not overreacting at all. Your daughter’s safety should come first. Have you thought about getting a legal agreement in place?
I’ve thought about it, but he’s already declined a formal plan in court before. I’m worried it will just lead to more drama.
@Izabella
I get that. But having something official could help protect you and your daughter in the long run.
It sounds like he might be trying to manipulate the situation. Don’t let him bully you into an unsafe situation for your kid.
Alice said:
It sounds like he might be trying to manipulate the situation. Don’t let him bully you into an unsafe situation for your kid.
Exactly! I’m not scared of him anymore, but I don’t want to create more conflict either.
@Izabella
It’s a tough balance. Just keep your daughter’s safety as your priority and stand your ground.
Consider documenting everything. If he continues to act this way, it could be useful for any future court proceedings.
Tan said:
Consider documenting everything. If he continues to act this way, it could be useful for any future court proceedings.
That’s a solid point. I’ve been keeping notes but need to be more organized about it.
You’re doing your best navigating a tough situation. Trust your instincts and don’t hesitate to reach out for legal advice.
Amara said:
You’re doing your best navigating a tough situation. Trust your instincts and don’t hesitate to reach out for legal advice.
Thanks, I really appreciate the support! Just trying to figure out the best way to handle this.
It’s frustrating to deal with someone who doesn’t take responsibility. Stay strong and don’t let him dictate the terms.
Hayden said:
It’s frustrating to deal with someone who doesn’t take responsibility. Stay strong and don’t let him dictate the terms.
For sure! I’m just trying to keep everything as stable as possible for my daughter.