I’m in the middle of a divorce, which started in 2022. My ex-wife cheated, and once I found out, I started the divorce process since she wouldn’t work with me. She moved out before I filed, and now she’s living with her new boyfriend. Before all this, she tried accusing me of domestic violence, but the DA dismissed it as there was no harm. Then, there was a battery charge involving her boyfriend that got thrown out too.
Fast forward to now, I’m stuck with just 2 weekends a month with my kids and a hefty child support bill. I pay the child support willingly because our kids deserve it, but I’m struggling with the visitation schedule. I’ve shown the court evidence of her drug use, emotional abuse, and unstable living conditions, yet the court still gave her more time with the kids. I’m in a stable situation with my own house, a steady income, and no substance abuse.
The biggest question I have is: How did she convince the judge to give her full custody despite all of this? I’ve proven that I can take care of them, provide for them, and they would be better off with me. But now, I’m wondering if I’ll ever get more time with them or if there’s a chance I could get full custody. When the kids are with me, they eat healthy, do activities, and learn. But when they’re with her, all they do is watch TV and eat junk food.
My next court date is in March. Do I have a chance at getting more time? Could I get full custody? Or am I just wasting money on lawyers for an extra weekend?
There’s a lot not mentioned in this post, so I’ll only respond to what’s been shared. From a family law perspective, if you’re not getting closer to 50/50 in California, there might be more to the story. Judges hear claims like yours all the time – ex-spouse cheated, unstable, has mental health problems, etc. You need solid evidence to back this up, such as testimony from a therapist or proof of criminal convictions. Claims about the children watching TV all day or your ex’s financial struggles won’t help your case. The court typically doesn’t care about who watches the kids unless it’s directly harmful to their well-being. And if you’re doing well financially, they might even look into your income. I know it’s tough, but the more emotional you get, the more it could hurt your case.
@Gael
We did mediation, and she admitted to having mental and drug issues. I don’t question the kids, but when we’re doing something productive, they lose interest and prefer TV. How do I bring these concerns to the court without making things worse for myself?
It seems like there’s more to this than what’s shared here. I can tell you’re frustrated, but it’s hard to understand the full situation. Do you live close to your ex? If you do, the court limiting your time seems unusual, but there’s probably more going on behind the scenes that you’re not revealing. The court likely has specific reasons for its decision, and maybe it’s not what you want to hear right now, but it’s worth asking your lawyer about.
@Blythe
I live less than an hour away. We went through mediation, and they recommended this schedule. I did have an anger management issue back in 2022, but I’ve completed it. These orders are temporary, and we’re meeting in court again soon.
@Emmy
Completing anger management is good, but it doesn’t wipe away past actions. It might be worth taking a moment to consider if there’s any reason for the current decision. Sometimes, when you’re too emotional, it’s hard to see the bigger picture. Ask your lawyer for their honest opinion about why this decision was made and how you can move forward.
I don’t know all the details, but it’s possible for a dad to get custody, even if your wife gets standard visitation. I was granted custody after years of back-and-forth with my ex. It’s about finding the right lawyer and sticking to the facts. My lawyer didn’t cost much and fought hard for me. Here’s some advice:
Stop fighting with your ex. Stick to the court order.
Stay in touch with your kids daily, not just on weekends.
Use a co-parenting app like Our Family Wizard to keep track of communication.
Attend school events and monitor their academic progress.
Follow the court order exactly. If she violates it, contact the police.
Get background checks on anyone living with your kids.
Request a meeting with the judge to hear your kids’ concerns.
Be patient. It takes time, but eventually, the truth will come out.
Yeah, it’s frustrating. You need a lawyer. It’s hard to win as a dad in family court, but don’t give up. I had a similar situation where my kids sat in their room all day, while I tried to be a better father. Sadly, that’s just how family court works sometimes.
Sometimes it’s just bias from the judge. I’m in the same boat in Colorado, and no matter how much evidence you have, it feels like they treat you like a criminal. All you can do is wait and keep fighting for more time.
@Emmy
Definitely get a lawyer. It may seem like a lot of money up front, but it’s worth it for the kids’ future. Instead of focusing on the past, you should look at how your ex is now living with a new partner and how the kids are being affected by that. A lawyer can help you present this properly.