I was told by a lawyer that only the legal parent can pick up the child. I’d refuse to let anyone else do it, and once they have the child, it’s out of my hands, but I wouldn’t hand them over to anyone but the other parent.
A Motion to Modify Custody is probably your best option. Judges may not take you seriously if it’s too soon after the divorce, but you can start documenting now to build your case. Get your son into therapy and communicate your concerns to your ex in writing. Start recording exchanges discreetly if allowed, and keep documenting everything. This way, you can go to court with solid evidence of abuse.
@Elizabeth
Thank you so much for this advice. I’ve been trying to get therapy set up, but my ex has been very difficult about it. I’ll keep documenting and take this to court. It’s been really hard to watch my son cry at every exchange, and I just want him to feel safe.
@Gwendolyn
Can’t believe she’s making therapy difficult! You might be able to push through with a court order if she keeps blocking it.
@Gwendolyn
Who has medical decision-making? If you do, you should be able to get your son into therapy without her permission.
Take your son to his pediatrician whenever he comes home with marks. They are required to document it and report suspected abuse to CPS and the police. If your pediatrician isn’t being responsive, take him to the ER or urgent care. Get as much documentation as possible.
@Sophia
Thanks for the advice. I’ve had issues with our current pediatrician, who doesn’t seem to care. I might look into switching, but it’s been a challenge.
Gwendolyn said:
@Sophia
Thanks for the advice. I’ve had issues with our current pediatrician, who doesn’t seem to care. I might look into switching, but it’s been a challenge.
You should definitely switch pediatricians if they aren’t documenting everything. You can also request your child’s medical records to see if they’ve been keeping track of these incidents. Documenting all of this will help you in court.
Cops can’t force you to hand your son over to anyone other than his legal parent. If your ex wants to fight you on that, she’ll have to take it to court. You should file for a modification to the custody arrangement, especially since your ex isn’t even showing up for pickups. Talk to your lawyer and push for her to be required to handle the exchanges.
@Josie
Thank you for this. We’ve been divorced for about a month, so I’m worried the judge won’t take me seriously if I file so soon. I’ve also had trouble getting in touch with my lawyer lately. The cops have been very aggressive during exchanges, and I feel like I’m being ignored because I’m the dad. It’s a frustrating situation, but I’ll keep pushing.
You should file a motion to modify custody. You could ask for a ban on corporal punishment or request that your ex’s boyfriend not be allowed around your son. Document all the injuries and report them to the police or a doctor each time.
@Zuri
Good advice, thank you. I’ll look into it.
Report the abuse to your son’s pediatrician. Pediatricians are required to report any signs of abuse, and this documentation will be crucial in court. You could also take your son to the ER after exchanges to get a medical report on any injuries. Having a doctor document everything is much more powerful than doing it yourself.
@Willa
This is really helpful advice. Thanks so much.
Have you filed for an emergency custody modification? CPS may not act, but the courts can change the custody agreement if there’s evidence of abuse.
Marlo said:
Have you filed for an emergency custody modification? CPS may not act, but the courts can change the custody agreement if there’s evidence of abuse.
I didn’t know that was an option. I’m just worried the courts won’t take me seriously since CPS has already dismissed my concerns. Thanks for the advice.
It might be time to get more aggressive with your attorney and push for a modification to the custody agreement. You can request that your ex has to be present at all exchanges, which would solve the problem of the boyfriend picking your son up.