I tried posting before but it wouldn’t let me, so I’m trying again for some advice.
Here’s the situation: I got a girl pregnant back in college. We decided to drop out, move to my hometown, get married, and have the baby. Things didn’t work out with the marriage, and we ended up divorcing, with her moving back to her hometown. At that point, I gave her custody because I wasn’t in a good place mentally and didn’t think I could handle it, but we agreed that I would get more custody once I was better.
I went through some tough times and couldn’t always pay child support. She got mad and moved out of state. She sued me for child support, and even though I didn’t make a lot, the court sided with her. Eventually, she moved back closer, remarried, and since she was closer, I got to see my kid. But after the last time he came to visit, I had a mental health crisis. I haven’t seen him in over a year now, and half of that was because I was working on my recovery.
I’m feeling better now and asked if I could see him, but she’s been giving me the runaround. I can’t really afford a lawyer, so what can I do to see my son again?
You don’t need a lawyer for custody. You can petition the court for visitation rights. Usually, there will be mediation first, but if she denies, the judge will get involved. Try asking for supervised or gradual visits, like a few hours on a weekend, and work up to overnight stays. You do have rights to see your child, but stay consistent and focus on your mental health because being inconsistent can make you seem unstable for caring for a child.
Have you thought about how being in and out of your son’s life might affect him? Maybe it would help to have a serious talk with a counselor about what your visitation should look like. It’s possible that your son might feel trauma from the ups and downs. It could be that your stepdad is a more stable presence right now.
Think about the impact of your mental health on your son before jumping into legal action.
You gave up custody, so you’ll need to file for a modification if you want to see your child. Child support doesn’t change anything. You’re supposed to support your child, regardless of your custody situation.
You’ll need to get court-ordered visitation. Tell them you understand that you need to gradually reintroduce yourself into your child’s life, and you’re willing to start with supervised visits and work up from there.
Ashby said:
Is she still collecting child support from you?
I couldn’t pay during my mental health crisis, but I’ve been paying since I got better.
Make sure she knows that you want to see your son and she shouldn’t be collecting child support if she’s going to stop you from visiting him.
But then again, you’re appealing to a woman’s ‘humanity.’ Good luck, but don’t expect a good outcome. And even a lawyer might not change things. If the judge sided with her before, why wouldn’t they now?
@Ashby
You’re wrong. Child support is for the child, not to ‘pay for access.’ OP gave up visitation and custody willingly. Also, OP is likely in arrears for child support.
Child support isn’t a ‘pay for access’ thing. She can collect child support and still deny access unless there’s a court order that says otherwise. OP will probably need court-monitored evaluations, counseling, and supervised visits because of the limited contact and mental health issues.
You can either convince her to let you see him, or take her to court for visitation. Those are pretty much the only choices. With everything that’s happened recently, I’d recommend saving up for a lawyer if possible.