Separated and awaiting trial in November. We’ve had a high-conflict divorce, but we’re currently operating on a 50/50 custody schedule. My ex has been taking our 14-year-old twins to family therapy for a few months now, but she didn’t tell me about it. I only found out because the boys talked to me about it. After I requested a Guardian ad Litem (GAL), my ex started recording the appointments on Our Family Wizard (OFW) and provided the therapist’s name.
I asked for the GAL partly because the boys said their mom scolded them after therapy for expressing they wanted to spend more time with me. She also showed them the GAL paperwork and told them it was their fault for what they said in therapy.
I tried to get the therapy records, but the therapist told me my ex is the only patient on record and wouldn’t confirm if the boys attend with her. I know they do because she pulls them out of school for the appointments, and they talk to me about it.
Her going to therapy with them is a good thing, so I don’t want to cause a huge issue. But it seems like they’re also the focus of the sessions, even if they’re not technically listed as patients. I’m pretty sure I won’t get access to the records, but I’m hoping the GAL can. It just feels like my ex is trying to work around ORC 3109.051(H).
I’ve got a lawyer I like, but she said something like, ‘Yeah, that sucks, but that’s just how it is.’
Has anyone experienced something like this? Is there any hope of getting the records or at least having the GAL access them? I’m 99% sure my ex won’t sign a release.
Even if you’re not entitled to the records directly, you might be able to get them with a subpoena or a Request for Production. Talk to your attorney about these options. You might also need a Protective Order to ensure the records aren’t used inappropriately.
What about the GAL? I really want them to have access, especially with the discussions they’ll be having with the kids. Seeing the records myself would help with parenting, but that’s less important. I’m more concerned about the emotional manipulation going on. I truly believe my kids are being harmed, even though I know I’m not perfect either.
@Taylor
I can’t answer that exactly because my state doesn’t use Guardian ad Litems the same way. Are they like a custody evaluator or parenting coordinator? Why would you want someone else besides you and their mom to have custody control?
@Fenn
In some places, a GAL is used specifically in these kinds of situations as a ‘go-between.’ They can speak to therapists about relevant case information, like the kids wanting to spend more time with their dad. The GAL is a neutral party working for the best interests of the kids and reports to the court.
@Fenn
GALs don’t have custody power. They evaluate the home environments and make recommendations. The judge can agree or go with a variation.
You’re right to request one. If a parent is emotionally harmful but not physically abusive, it’s hard to prove in court. A neutral third party can get the kids’ perspective and figure out what’s best for them.
@Fenn
I think it’s the only way to bring out the truth and get my kids’ voices heard. My ex hides her behavior very well in public, and I don’t know how else to show the court what’s really happening.
I’m a single dad making half of what she does. She calls me a deadbeat and says I’m unworthy of the kids. I know my boys will say differently, but this seems like my best shot at proving that.
@Taylor
I think you’re doing the right thing. Make sure your boys feel comfortable being honest with the GAL. They may feel pressure from their mom after she blamed them for the GAL involvement. Let them know it’s okay to speak up, and that the GAL is just trying to figure out what’s best for them.
At 14, they should be able to express who they want to live with, but it depends on the court. Keep being supportive and remind them to be honest.
@Reign
Thanks for the advice. I’ve been telling them to just be honest about everything. One of them told me today he was planning to hide something from their mom. I said, ‘While you can say what you like, don’t cover for me. My faults are my own, and I own them. Just say it exactly as it is.’
Being truthful has been what’s kept us going through all of this.
I think they’re part of my kids’ medical records, which I should have access to unless a court says otherwise.
Also, the boys seem unhappy about the therapy. They’ve told me they’ve been scolded or punished for things they said during the sessions. I’ve done therapy with my ex before, and it wasn’t great.
It’s pretty standard to only have one official patient, even in family or couples therapy. If insurance is involved, only one person can be listed as the patient, and there’s a special code for family sessions. It’s not shady, just how billing works.
As for getting the records, you’d need a court order.
@Zariah
Thanks for explaining! I always thought parents could access their kids’ medical records. It just feels like the boys are also patients, even if they aren’t officially listed as such.
I hope the GAL can access the records. I just want someone else to see what’s going on and hear from the kids about it.
@Zariah
I agree. You should also think about what you hope to accomplish. In my state, getting a GAL involves a judge and can be costly and time-consuming. Unless there’s evidence of emotional harm or manipulation that might reduce her custodial time, I’m not sure what you’d gain.
It’s okay to ask the kids what they think about therapy. And if there’s an issue, the court might still view her attending family therapy as a positive thing. Some therapists don’t keep detailed notes anyway, so there might not be much there unless there’s something really serious going on.