My child’s mother has been living with me rent-free for two years since we broke up. I have been trying to make the best of the situation for my daughter’s sake since she is 4. However, the situation has become untenable, and I am at my wits’ end. She refuses to work, she doesn’t drive, and for the last six months or so, on the days I don’t work, I have primary parenting responsibilities whenever I’m not running errands outside of the house. She wants to rehash arguments from our long-dead relationship, and when I refuse, she curses me out and calls me names in front of our child. I feel terrible for considering putting her out, but I don’t know what else to do. I’m tired of rehashing old arguments that have nothing to do with parenting, and I’m tired of being called names for things that happened years ago. There was never abuse either way; we just don’t get along. I own the home, I signed the affidavit of parentage, and I am on the birth certificate. She is a good person, but she is unstable and an alcoholic. I worry about what will happen to her if I evict her, and I worry about losing my daughter. We are in Michigan. Please give me advice.
The best advice you’re going to get is to hire a family lawyer and get the process started. Unfortunately, your situation will not change unless you take action. Do you have a formal child custody plan in place? If not, you definitely need to file for one. What’s going to happen will depend on a lot of things, such as whether she has somewhere else to stay nearby with family or if she can afford a place on her own. If she has mental health issues, you can request an evaluation during the process. You will almost certainly have to file a formal eviction if she is not willing to leave on her own terms, and you’ll probably need to do that at the same time. If she isn’t financially able to live on her own and support herself, she may lose physical custody since she doesn’t have a safe place for your child to live. Alternatively, you could try mediation first to reach an agreement without confrontation.
Thank you. She does have underlying mental health issues which are a large contributor to the problem. I have PTSD issues from my military service, but I have sought counseling and treatment, while she refuses it, believing mental health professionals aren’t real as she puts it. She doesn’t have a support system nearby. I just hate all of this. You’re right, I need to file for custody for my daughter’s sake, but nothing about any of this feels good.
@Sam
As part of the custody process, you can request a mental health evaluation given the circumstances. Having someone around your child with untreated mental health issues can become a significant problem for your child’s well-being over time when unhealthy behaviors are modeled. You can still be a good person in this situation; consider giving her additional notice with the eviction or offering to pay the first month’s rent and security deposit at an apartment for her. There are options to support her, but ultimately she needs to seek help for herself. Does she have any extended family you can call to provide support for her?
Incredibly sad. But ultimately, not your fault and not something that can be your problem forever. Meet with the lawyer first to discuss your options before speaking to your ex about any of this. You don’t want to risk her doing something rash if you give her advance notice. Without a formal custody agreement, she could just take the child somewhere else without notice, and it wouldn’t be considered kidnapping. You wouldn’t want to end up filing in your county and then tracking her down to serve her. I would personally recommend starting with mediation in hopes it will motivate her to take some positive action. You might also benefit from talking to a social worker about this, or you can contact the Department of Adult Protective Services if you have concerns about her well-being or want to ask about resources for her. Look for a family law attorney who handles complicated situations, including mediation first, and avoid any who seem like sharks.
Thank you for the advice, and I definitely will seek out an initial consultation with an attorney who I think will try to work for everyone’s benefit, my daughter first and foremost.