Divorce has been finalized over a year now. I have a girlfriend and I’m planning to introduce her to the kids. I was nice enough to let the ex know and answer some questions. Now she’s asking when the kids will meet the new girlfriend, and I said I don’t have to answer that and that’s between me and the kids. She said she needs to know everything that involves the kids. She told me to re-read the divorce decree and that she’s guardian and not me, so she has the right to know all those details. I re-read the decree, and we are joint managing conservators, which only states to let each other know regarding children’s health, education, and welfare. Am I wrong that I don’t need to provide this information to the ex?
Welfare would include safety, just FYI. Joint means together, so you can’t make unilateral decisions. Is it really a big deal for her to ask when? Have there been issues in the past with something like this?
She has the right to ask whatever question she wants but I have the right to not answer. I’ve just had to deal with her wanting control for years, and this is just her way of that.
Communicate politely and use, ‘the kids’ safety and best interests are my first concern.’ Your goal is to de-escalate.
Set your boundary, and as long as it doesn’t conflict with your custody, stick to it. Sometimes they get better with time, sometimes they don’t.
You don’t have to tell her, but I don’t understand why you would be needlessly acrimonious.
Emil said:
You don’t have to tell her, but I don’t understand why you would be needlessly acrimonious.
It’s triggering dealing with her trying to control everything even after the divorce.
You don’t have to tell her. She doesn’t need to know every single thing regarding the kids. Just the important stuff.
Your ex-wife has no control over who is in your car when you’re driving. That’s insane. 10 months is good; I don’t think a judge would sanction you for this.
Dean said:
Your ex-wife has no control over who is in your car when you’re driving. That’s insane. 10 months is good; I don’t think a judge would sanction you for this.
About 10 months. I take the kids to school and pick them up. I asked the kids if they’re ready to meet her, and they said yes.
1 year post-divorce is too soon for some kids to adjust to a new person moving in. They need more time. Just let your ex think you’re putting it off, and then do it.
I totally understand. I try to talk to the kids and not push them, asking when they’re ready to meet.