Has Anyone Dealt with False Accusations in a Custody Battle?

Custody and Visitation Forum
1

Hey everyone,

Just wondering if anyone here has been in a similar situation and how things turned out for them.

A little backstory—My ex-wife and I were together for nearly 10 years, married for 5. We got together in our 20s, and when we divorced, I didn’t get a lawyer and just signed whatever she sent over because I wanted out. That meant she got sole custody, and I got standard visitation (1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends).

For almost five years, things were fine. We did birthday parties together, and I actually had more time with my kid than the court order allowed. I took them from Thursday after school until Monday after school, split extra costs beyond child support, helped coach their sports, and had no issues. She got remarried, and I was happy for her. She had another kid, and that’s when things changed.

She started pushing my child to call her new husband ‘Dad’ or ‘second Dad,’ which I wasn’t okay with. I brought it up, but she brushed me off. Over time, the tension grew. The final straw was at a sporting event when her husband yelled at my child in public, not realizing I was still there. I confronted her, but again, she dismissed it. Then she demanded we meet in person, with her husband there, to discuss it. I said I was fine with a phone or video call but not an in-person meeting. She refused and told me she wouldn’t let me see my child until I agreed.

Turns out, in the paperwork I signed years ago, she had a clause that let her deny visitation at her discretion. Since we had been operating outside of the court order for years, I never realized how much power she had. She ended up keeping my kid from me for six weeks, forcing me to file for a custody modification.

Now, during the temporary orders, her lawyer suddenly brought up that she believes I have a drinking problem and wants alcohol monitoring. I hardly drink—only socially and on rare occasions—so my lawyer suggested I comply for now to strengthen my case. I agreed and have been using a sober monitoring device every day, even on days I don’t have my child. She’s already agreed to switch from sole custody to joint, but I want the monitoring requirement gone too.

So, my question is: how long should I keep doing this before telling my attorney that enough is enough? At what point does this prove I have no issues?

2

Make sure your custody agreement is rock solid.

Spell out everything—who pays for extracurriculars, tax claims, health insurance, holiday schedules, access to school and medical records. If she can’t be with your kid, you should get the first option before she hands them off to a relative. Also, no moving more than an hour and a half away without mutual consent. Daily communication with your child should also be in writing—one video call a day, for example.

Most importantly, put in writing that no one else should be called ‘Dad’ and that parental alienation won’t be tolerated. Protect yourself now before this gets worse.

3

I’d push for your custody agreement to reflect what you were already doing—extended first, third, and fifth weekends.

The alcohol monitoring feels unnecessary since there’s no history of DUI or any real evidence, but agreeing to it makes you look cooperative. The fact that she withheld your child for six weeks for no real reason actually makes her look bad.

This might be the right time to push for even more custody. You’re involved, you coach their sports, you pay your support on time, and you chip in for extras without being asked. Why not aim for a 50/50 schedule?

Also, if you haven’t already, I’d stop doing joint birthday parties. High-conflict co-parenting makes that more of a problem than a benefit.

4

@Tanner
Thanks for your insight! When I filed for modification, I really only asked for joint custody and for that ‘at her discretion’ clause to be removed. I didn’t originally push for more time, but maybe it makes sense to make our actual schedule official instead of just a verbal agreement.

And yeah, I’ve always been involved—I show up for sports, I pay my share, and I’ve got no criminal record. What really hurt was that I paid for half of my kid’s birthday party, and then she still refused to let me see them on their actual birthday. That was brutal. Definitely won’t be doing joint birthdays anymore.

5

You’ve already proven your point. Don’t let her manipulate you any longer. She knows she’s lying, and you know it too.

6

Violet said:
You’ve already proven your point. Don’t let her manipulate you any longer. She knows she’s lying, and you know it too.

Appreciate the support. I’ll talk to my lawyer and push for this to be removed. I’ve been doing this daily for two months now, even on days I don’t have my kid. That should be enough to show it was a false claim from the start.

7

Ask your lawyer what’s reasonable—one month? Two? I doubt you need to keep this up for long. If you had a drinking problem, it would have shown by now.

But whatever happens, make sure this requirement doesn’t make it into the final custody agreement. A baseless accusation shouldn’t follow you forever.

8

@Yvonne
Yeah, my lawyer didn’t give a clear timeline, just said it wouldn’t take ‘too long’ to prove my case. Since I’ve never dealt with anything like this, I wasn’t sure what’s normal. I’ve done it for a month and a half straight now, so I’m hoping that’s enough.

9

@Ellison
More important than how long is making sure your lawyer doesn’t let this stay in the final agreement.

If you have to do it until the court date, so be it. It’s annoying, but in the big picture, it’s temporary.

10

@Yvonne
Oh, I definitely won’t let this stay in the final order. I’m doing it every day, no problem, just to shut this whole thing down. I know I don’t have any issues, and she’s just throwing out nonsense because I wouldn’t agree to my kid calling her husband ‘Dad.’ I get that a step-parent can be important, and I respect that, but I’m an active parent and always have been. I’m not backing down until this is removed.

She never once brought up alcohol before this, never expressed concern in all these years, and I’ve got a clean record. I just want the judge to see this for what it is.

11

@Ellison
I think the judge will see through it. Family court is messy, and judges see this kind of thing all the time.

Is the stepdad issue being addressed at all? You could get something added to the order about it. Maybe even ask for therapy for your child to help them process what’s going on.

Good luck, this is a tough situation!