So, last April, my husband had an affair for many months, and I found out about it. I wanted to leave, but he got extremely verbally abusive, said he refused to leave the house (I had nowhere else to go), and then threatened to take the kids. I stayed just due to being afraid of change and the fear of losing my kids. Fast forward to now, reality has set in that this isn’t the life I want for myself. We were already growing apart when he cheated, and he promised it would get better, but it changed for maybe a month. Today, during an argument, I suggested divorce. He went ballistic and flipped out, telling me to get the hell out. I said I had nowhere to go and he couldn’t make me leave. He insisted that he could because I was the one who wanted this. His manager owns the place, and we live rent-free. I kissed the ring and said I was just upset about how things had been and spoke irrationally. I’m working with my mom on a plan where she moves close by in the next few months, gets an apartment, and gets it furnished so that when the time comes, I can just leave and immediately have a place for my two young girls. I know that when I leave, it’s going to get messy. He’s told me he would unalive himself, and I’m honestly worried about my safety if I leave. I’m also worried he would take the kids from me if he knew where I was. I can’t lose my daughters. I don’t want it to get messy, but I know he’s going to. I’ve started gathering evidence of his temper, including videos of my daughter telling me he slapped her on the head when she accidentally hit her sister with a door. I’ve also recorded me talking to him about not “playing choke” with our kids and a scenario from last week where he said he was going to stomp our dachshund. I know I’m making him seem like a horrible dad, but he’s not. I know he loves them, but he thinks the way he was raised taught him to be tough, so it’s okay. What steps do I need to take to ensure I’m safe and that he can’t withhold my girls from me? He’s never actually hit me, but I feel worried for my safety. I don’t want to take them from him completely because they love their dad, but if things get nasty, I’ll have to show the evidence I have. My job is very in demand, healthcare, and I make over double what he makes.
It’s crucial to have a safety plan in place. Consider consulting a family lawyer to understand your rights and options regarding custody.
Whitney said:
It’s crucial to have a safety plan in place. Consider consulting a family lawyer to understand your rights and options regarding custody.
That’s definitely a step I’m considering. I want to make sure I have everything lined up beforehand.
Document everything, including his behavior and any threats he makes. This will be important if you need to go to court.
Abigail said:
Document everything, including his behavior and any threats he makes. This will be important if you need to go to court.
I’ve started gathering evidence, but I know I need more to present a strong case.
You might want to reach out to local domestic violence resources. They can provide support and advice specific to your situation.
Holly said:
You might want to reach out to local domestic violence resources. They can provide support and advice specific to your situation.
That’s a good idea. I need to make sure I have a support system in place.
If you feel your safety is at risk, consider a temporary protective order until you can secure a permanent solution.
Poppy said:
If you feel your safety is at risk, consider a temporary protective order until you can secure a permanent solution.
I’m worried about how he would react, but I know I need to consider all options.
Make sure to have a safe place to go if things escalate. Your safety and your kids’ safety are the top priority.
Rachel said:
Make sure to have a safe place to go if things escalate. Your safety and your kids’ safety are the top priority.
I’m working on that with my mom, so I have a backup plan.