Hi guys, I’m from Nw York but moved to Michigan for a short while, changed my address but didn’t get a Michigan ID. I’m married to the baby’s father, who still lives in Michigan with his family. His mom kicked me out, so I moved back to New York, applied for Medicaid, and now I’m 6 months pregnant. The baby will probably be born in NY. My husband says he still wants to be a part of our lives and stay married.
My big question is, if the baby is born in NY: Does that mean I have to do 50/50 custody with him or even move back to Michigan because we’re still married? And how does child support work if we share custody? Is child support still a thing with 50/50 time, or only if one parent has the kid more? This whole interstate custody thing seems like it could get complicated.
Since you’re still married and there’s no legal separation, it’s unlikely that either state will step in to enforce custody or child support. If the baby is born in NY and you stay there, your husband will have to come to NY to see the baby. Be cautious if he tries to take the baby back to Michigan, because getting the child back could be tough. No one can force you to move back to Michigan just because you’re married, and states usually don’t get involved with custody fights unless the couple is getting divorced or legally separated.
Also, Michigan won’t have any say in custody unless the baby has lived there. Jurisdiction stays with the state where the child resides. NY would have the jurisdiction if your baby is born and stays there. Your husband would need to file for divorce or prove you’re an unfit parent if he wanted to challenge custody, but that’s a difficult and stressful process.
One other thing—if you stay married and separate without divorce, your husband might not have to pay child support. If you need help, look into how well Michigan enforces child support orders from other states. Being married might also affect your ability to get government assistance, as his income could be taken into account even if you don’t live together.
Since you’re married, unless you go ahead and start divorce proceedings, there’s not much either state can do at this point. It’s mainly between you and your husband.
You should really consult a family law attorney in your area of New York. Since you’re married but living apart, there probably won’t be any formal custody or child support orders unless you file for separation or divorce. But without custody orders, your husband could take the baby back to Michigan and you’d have a legal battle to get them back. If he starts proceedings in Michigan, things could get very complicated.
Make sure you document your residency in New York, just in case it’s questioned later. It sounds like you’ve established NY as your permanent home, and that will matter if there’s a divorce.
For your baby, their residency will be in NY if they’re born here. Your husband would have to move to New York to be close enough for more custody.
With a newborn, 50-50 custody isn’t common, especially if you’re breastfeeding. He could start with a few hours a week and maybe get overnights when the baby is older. It really depends on your specific situation. Try to offer a fair custody arrangement based on what experts recommend for newborns.
Also, don’t go back to Michigan without a clear court order. Even for something like a holiday trip, get your lawyer’s approval first.
Usually, the state where the baby is born and lives will have the say over custody. I’d try to keep things calm and civil for now, then after living in NY for a year, you could file for divorce.
NY courts want both parents involved, but if he’s not nearby, it’s hard to have a small child bouncing between two states. Once the child is school-aged, the focus shifts to holidays and summer visitation.
Do not return to Michigan unless you want to go back to the relationship. Your baby will be a resident of New York if born here.
Also, look into getting help from a legal aid clinic. Custody and child support are linked, but just because one parent has to pay child support doesn’t mean they lose their right to see their child. If you divorce, you’ll need to sort out both custody and child support before the divorce is finalized.