Michigan father left me while I’m pregnant, what’s the custody situation?

Seeking Advice
1

Hi guys, I’m from New York, but I moved to Michigan for a month and changed my address but didn’t get a Michigan ID. I’m married to the baby’s father, who lives with his family. His mom kicked me out, so I went back to New York, applied for Medicaid, and now I’m 6 months pregnant. The baby will probably be born in NY. My husband says he still wants to be a part of our lives and stay married.

He suggested renting an apartment for me and the baby in Michigan, but the relationship is pretty rocky, and his family is too involved in our business. I’m not sure what to do. If I move back to Michigan and things fall apart again, would I be stuck there? I heard some states won’t let the mom leave with the child. I have no support in Michigan, and I’m not working, so I’d end up in a shelter if he left us. If it doesn’t work out, I’d want to return to New York and have him pay child support. I’m not sure if he’d even want custody.

2

Was most of your marriage in Michigan?

If you move back to Michigan, the child could end up under Michigan’s jurisdiction for custody. Your best option might be to get a custody order from New York. If you create an agreement that he’s happy with, you might be able to secure New York jurisdiction without him realizing. But if you all move to Michigan, they’ll take over jurisdiction, which could cause issues for you later. It’s risky to go back. If you stay in New York and he agrees to it, then NY will have control over custody. Let him visit if he wants until your child is older.

3

@Firth
We got married in New York, and we’ve lived apart most of the time. I moved to his house in May 2024 but got kicked out in July 2024. His family’s always been a problem, which is why I didn’t want to move there in the first place.

4

@Olin
That makes getting New York’s jurisdiction stronger. But before you go anywhere, you should get a court order. Even if you just plan a “temporary” trip to Michigan, that can still create issues. If the baby is in Michigan, the courts there could take over. However, if there’s already an order from New York, Michigan would probably follow it. In situations like yours, where parents live in different states, courts often designate one state to avoid complications.

Honestly, though, I’ve dealt with interstate child custody cases before, and they’re a headache. You’re better off staying in New York and letting him visit until the baby’s old enough to travel.

5

He should move to New York if he really wants to be involved.

6

Living in Michigan for 30 days doesn’t make you a resident. Stay in New York and file for divorce. You might be able to file on grounds of abandonment, not for the child but for the marriage.

7

Since you’re married, he’ll have equal rights to the baby.

He didn’t abandon the baby since they aren’t born yet, so that likely won’t affect custody.

You can leave the state with your child, but if he files for custody, you’ll probably have to return.

Expect 50/50 custody if he wants to be involved.

8

Stay in New York and seek help from domestic violence resources. They often provide legal aid for divorces too.

9

Moving with a child, especially if the father contests it, is rarely approved by courts. His family will interfere. Don’t go back.

10

Don’t go. Let him show he’s serious about being a dad and husband before you make any decisions.

11

Honestly, don’t go. Don’t put yourself and your child through that stress, especially without a support system in Michigan.

Michigan can be a tough place to live, and their shelters aren’t great.

They still have old laws that make things harder.

If he’s serious about being a father, let him come to you and your child.

There’s no need for you to move. He’s the one who needs to prove himself.

I’m rooting for you! Good luck, dear :heart: