I was in a 10-year relationship that recently ended, and I moved out. I live in California in a very small studio apartment, more like a room than a proper studio. We have three kids together, aged 7, 4, and 1. Right now, we only have a verbal agreement where I pay her $600 each month for child support and $500 for babysitting. We haven’t set up a schedule or formal arrangement for custody because we were thinking about getting back together. But now, I don’t think that’s going to happen.
I really want to avoid involving the courts in my life and spending more money if I can help it. Can anyone give me advice on what to do in this situation? I’m 31 years old, working full-time. Thanks for your help, guys.
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. When I went through something similar, I found that mediation was a good first step. It allowed us to work out a custody schedule and financial arrangements without going to court. We used a mediator who helped us focus on what was best for the kids. Also, documenting everything, like payments and agreements, was helpful in case things got complicated later. If you can, try to find a local mediation service.
Stay away from the courts. They have damaged me. I haven’t seen my kid in about 12 years, and he despises me. His mother has undoubtedly told him so many lies… Cs followed me from job to job. On the day of the hearing, a prior criminal case was withdrawn against me. I paid for everything but had no documentation. She saved receipts. 6 years’ worth of cs at $450 per month layered on as owed. Currently, it’s 440 each month + 100 and some change for arrears. Hopefully, one day I’ll be able to stop paying. Hopefully. The system is prejudiced towards women. You’ll see this when you visit their offices… All the paperwork will ask you for your maiden name, which will be in place of the accused.
First, try to patch things up if you can. Second, if it’s not working out, find a place where your kids can stay. Third, aim for shared custody, splitting time equally.