My soon-to-be ex-wife (STBEW) just filed for divorce, and we’ve been separated for 5 years. During that time, we’ve filed taxes as single, lived with different roommates, and kept separate finances. I’ve been paying $1,000 a month in child support based on an informal agreement. Now that she’s filed, she’s trying to get alimony, half of my retirement savings, and is asking for me to pay her lawyer fees. I feel this is unfair given the last 5 years we’ve been living separately. What are my options?
First thing: get a lawyer. It sounds like a complex situation, especially with potential tax issues (filing as single when you’re legally married is usually not allowed). A lawyer can help you navigate both the divorce and any financial disputes that come up.
@Eliza
I’ve been thinking about it, but I wasn’t sure if it’s worth the cost given that we’ve already been living apart for so long. But I guess with alimony and everything on the line, I should.
If you’ve been separated for 5 years and she’s supported herself during that time, it could weaken her case for alimony. However, since you weren’t legally separated, the court may still consider any assets (including retirement savings) as marital property. Definitely something you should fight with legal help.
@Penelope
I see, I guess I’ll have to go over all the financials and figure out what might be considered ‘marital assets’ even though we’ve been apart.
One key thing is whether or not you were legally separated. If you weren’t, the court could still consider anything accumulated in the last 5 years as part of the marital estate. You’ll also want to have proof of how long you’ve been living separately.
@Cedar
We weren’t legally separated, just living apart informally. I can definitely show proof of living separately and paying my own bills, though.
Unfortunately, not being legally separated leaves some gray areas regarding assets like retirement funds. It might help to gather as much documentation as possible to show you’ve been acting independently financially during the separation. But legal help is essential here.
@Gerald
I’ll start gathering all the documents I have. Sounds like it’s going to be a long process.