My ex cheated on me during a separation, even though she said things would work out. Yeah, I know I was dumb for believing it. I’ve been nasty with her in texts, but never threatened her. After a few weeks, I got over it and just wanted to focus on our son.
Then she filed for a restraining order in December. It got denied because her accusations were bogus—she claimed physical violence with no proof. She even dragged up an old DV conviction from over a decade ago to make it seem like I hurt her. She’s claiming I’m dangerous to our son.
We were together for eight years, and now she’s calling it a “short romantic relationship.” I’m not sure what she’s getting at here.
I have proof that for the past 7-8 weeks, she’s been meeting with me for the exchange of our son, even coming to my house to drop him off. She even said she would drop the TRO request and agree to mediation, but now we haven’t even talked in three weeks—her mom has been arranging things.
Is she just hoping to get full custody through some shady lawyer advice? How do you think this will play out in court?
I’m in a similar situation where actual violence was involved, but it wasn’t considered serious enough to change anything. I think you’ll be fine. It’s tough to prove DV unless it’s really bad, with police or medical records to back it up.
@Kylie
There’s nothing. I acted like an idiot and was pretty vulgar, but I never threatened her. She’s claiming DV happened in 2019 after we separated, but we were still together for a while after that. I have texts showing how much she loved me after that time, plus photos of us on vacations. It’s honestly ridiculous. It’s all a tactic to make me look like I showed up out of nowhere. She clearly wants me to react, but I’ve just blocked her and moved on. It’s sick how much she doesn’t care about our son’s relationship with me.
@Xyla
You need to get a formal custody agreement so she can’t just take your son whenever she wants. It seems like you have enough proof to show she’s lying. Family court sees this kind of stuff all the time, and a judge won’t be impressed with her if you can show she’s been meeting with you to exchange your son. It sounds like her lawyer is probably being lied to, too.
You both acted badly at times, but now it’s about focusing on being good co-parents. Hope it all works out.
@Faye
Our relationship was toxic at times, but I realize now that I took her for granted. I never hit her, never even thought about it. We didn’t get that angry with each other. She’s calling our eight-year relationship a ‘short romantic relationship’—that’s messed up. She’s claiming I’m violent and that she and our son need protection, but she’s been meeting with me for the past 7-8 weeks without any issue.
I think she’s trying to get a reaction from me, so I just blocked her. I just want this whole thing over so I can move on. Every time I get close to moving on, she does something to drag it out.
If there’s no real threat of violence, the court will probably dismiss the TRO. Just make sure you bring any evidence showing you’ve been seeing each other without problems for exchanges.
That past DV charge from ten years ago shouldn’t really matter, and the court should dismiss any objections about it. It’s hard to say what will happen without knowing all the details of the recent situation, but it seems like the court will see through her if she’s contradicting herself with the texts she’s sent you.
@Heath
The DV charge wasn’t even against her! It’s insane. I’ll need a lawyer because I’m not taking any chances with losing custody.
She’s trying to push me out of our son’s life completely. I’ll tell you why: she moved in with a new guy, and then a month later, she just takes off with our son to her sister’s house 100 miles away. Of course, I expressed my concern respectfully, but she moved back in with him a week later.
If we had a court-ordered custody agreement, this wouldn’t be so easy for her. She knows that, which is why she’s playing these games.
Lennie said: @Xyla
I’ve been reading your comments, and it sounds like you might be dealing with some covert narcissism. You could benefit from some counseling.
@Xyla
You’re probably not going to get full custody. It’s clear you care about her being in a new relationship since you keep mentioning it. But honestly, you should just get a lawyer. You don’t seem like the best person to represent yourself based on what you’ve said here.
@Asa
I don’t want full custody, just 50/50 joint custody and full visitation. She’s threatening me with this nonsense again, even after we agreed to mediation. Some women say she just wants me completely out of the picture so she can do whatever she wants without working with me. She’s already moved 100 miles away with our son and come back. I can guarantee this won’t be the last time.
She’s only trying to get full custody, and it’s disgusting because she doesn’t care if our son wonders where his dad is.
brandy1 said:
If the TRO was denied in December, what’s the situation now? What’s pending?
They denied the TRO and set a hearing, but she kept stalling by not serving me with the papers. Now she’s trying to move forward with the hearing, even though she had many chances to settle this. She’s trying to get a reaction out of me, and I’m just ignoring her. I’ve blocked her for now.
@Xyla
Sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m in a similar spot where my ex is trying to paint me as a bad guy. She tried to get people to say I was harassing her, and even secretly recorded our conversations while having an affair. She was trying to get custody and justify child support. It’s tough, but hang in there and try to stay calm no matter what.