I (35F) have full custody of my 7-year-old child. The father (35M) was in and out of our child’s life for the first 3 years. At birth, he refused to sign the birth certificate and wouldn’t fill out any paperwork. He’s had multiple domestic violence charges, stalking, drug issues, and violations of no contact orders. He was recently sent to prison for 3 years. He’s now been released and served paternity paperwork to me via a friend at my current address — which he somehow found, despite me working hard to keep it private. We have a court hearing soon about genetic testing, and I’m unsure about what to expect. What should I do to prepare? Are there specific documents I need or questions I should be ready for? I’m going in blind here. I also know that he wants 50/50 custody eventually, but given his history, I’m not sure how to handle it. At this point, I can’t afford legal help, but I’m trying to find free resources, even though they’re backed up. There’s a no-contact order until 2029, but no order is in place for the child, since the court wouldn’t grant one.
Okay, whose idea was it for the genetic testing? Honestly, unless he’s forcing it or you’re on government assistance, I wouldn’t bother with it at this point. You should definitely get legal help, though, especially to make sure he doesn’t get unsupervised visits.
OP. I’m a dad, and hearing this really upsets me. Your ex is awful and gives men a bad name. Make sure you get legal help through your employer if possible. Best of luck. Keep your child safe.
Since he has the criminal record and harassment history, ask for supervised visitation for your child’s safety. He should also be required to take parenting classes, anger management, domestic violence interventions, and drug tests.
You need an attorney. You can’t navigate this alone. They’ll help you build a plan to make sure you and your child are safe.
Be careful. Contact local domestic violence organizations for legal assistance and resources. Check if your employer has an employee assistance program for legal help. Look for local legal aid and see if the courthouse has a law library or self-help options. Start saving for legal fees — or borrow money to help. Always carry a copy of the restraining order with you, and make sure your daycare knows about it. You should also have copies of any related case numbers, the restraining order, and any other documents. I’d suggest requesting supervised visits for your ex and making sure that if he’s impaired or inappropriate, the visit ends immediately. You can also request non-disclosure and sole legal custody.
@Corinne
This has been very helpful, thank you. I already have the restraining order on file with the pediatric office, childcare, school, and my workplace. I’ve saved plenty of emails, texts, and voicemails from the abuse to present in court. I didn’t think to contact my employer, but that’s a great idea — I will follow up on it. I’ve been trying to get help from a local DV program, but they are really backed up. It’s sad to see how many women go through this. All suggestions are welcome. I just want to keep my child safe.
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Hunter said:
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Thanks so much! Your support means a lot. I really appreciate it, and I’m hoping to get through this with my child’s safety in mind. You’ve been very helpful.
The paternity test may take a few weeks, but make sure you get a lawyer as soon as you can. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
What county are you in?
BrianCopland said:
What county are you in?
Spokane
Your child’s custody is at risk. There’s no excuse for saying you can’t afford legal help — if you don’t hire an attorney, you’re highly likely to lose. It’s not worth the risk. Even if you need to get a credit card for it, do whatever it takes.
@Teagan
I was in debt for years, but my kid and I are finally safe. I’m almost done paying it off. Keep fighting for your child’s safety!
Paige said:
@Teagan
I was in debt for years, but my kid and I are finally safe. I’m almost done paying it off. Keep fighting for your child’s safety!
I will do whatever it takes to make sure my child is safe, even if it means paying off debt forever. I appreciate your words!
@Caitlin
Thank you! I wish you and your child the best. I hope everything works out for you soon!