I’m married, and my stepson is 11. I’ve known him since he was 3 and have been raising him since he was 5. We started in Cook County, Illinois, but now we’re in Winnebago County since the bio dad no longer lives there. He was absent from my stepson’s life from ages 6 to 9 and pretty inconsistent before and after that. Earlier this year, he took my wife to court, claiming she wasn’t following the parenting plan, even though he was the one missing days and leaving our son with his grandparents. We found out he hasn’t held a job since he was 6 and is on social security disability. We got backpaid child support started, and a GAL was assigned, but they paused the parenting plan because he wasn’t cooperative. Today in court, they dismissed the trial and suggested mediation instead, right after he yelled at my wife. What should we do next? Our lawyer says we have to take him to court this time, but can anything actually be done? We know his parental rights can’t just be taken away, and I’m ready to adopt, but co-parenting with someone so irresponsible is really hard. Our son doesn’t even want to talk to him anymore and has been crying about it. We’ve even put him in therapy.
It sounds like mediation might be a good start if the court suggested it. But keep records of everything he does (or doesn’t do) regarding parenting. It could help later.
You might consider documenting your stepson’s emotional response to his dad. If he’s in therapy, that could also help your case. You’re doing the right thing by protecting him.
Since you’re in Illinois, you might want to consult with a family law attorney about the possibility of pursuing a modification of the parenting plan based on his behavior. Just be prepared for a lengthy process.
It’s tough when a parent is so unreliable. If he’s moved and isn’t communicating, that might strengthen your case for full custody. Keep pushing for what’s best for your stepson.
I would focus on your stepson’s well-being. If he’s not comfortable with his bio dad, that’s important. Maybe the therapist can provide insight or documentation that could help your case.
You absolutely have to prioritize your son’s mental health. If he’s not responding to his dad, that could be a sign he needs more stability. Look into how to expedite the adoption process.
Just curious, do you have any legal rights as a step-parent? Can you participate in these discussions more actively?
Dahlia said:
Just curious, do you have any legal rights as a step-parent? Can you participate in these discussions more actively?
Not really, since I’m not legally recognized yet. That’s why I’m eager to adopt. I want to be more involved.