I’m reaching out because my friend is in a tough spot after leaving her partner, who is the father of her 3-year-old. Things did not end well between them, and right now they are sharing custody, with the mom having the child during the week and the dad on weekends. My friend eventually wants full custody, but the father has flat-out refused to pay child support and often states that he never plans to. He was controlling and financially abusive, not allowing her to work or even learn how to drive, which made things even harder since they lived in a rural area with little access to public transit. Because of all this, she currently has no savings and moved in with her mom along with their child. The problem is that since he was the primary caregiver, she doesn’t have other childcare arrangements and probably wouldn’t be able to afford them anyway, so she can only work on weekends when the child is with him. I asked her why she isn’t pushing him harder for child support, and she said, ‘If he never pays child support, then he has no chance of getting any sort of custody of our child.’ While I imagine that might hold some weight, I can’t help but think it’s not a guarantee that she’ll get 100% custody. So I guess my question is: is her logic sound? Or should she be trying to get him to pay so she can start to rebuild her life and find a job?
Honestly, that logic isn’t really solid. Child support and custody are treated as separate issues in court. Just because he doesn’t pay support doesn’t mean he can’t go to court to seek shared parenting rights.
@Sierra
Yeah, exactly. Courts look at what’s in the best interest of the child, so the dad could still get some custody even if he’s not contributing financially. It’s frustrating, but that’s how it is.
@Alex
But isn’t the dad’s refusal to pay a big red flag? Shouldn’t that show he doesn’t care about the child’s needs?
Angel said:
@Alex
But isn’t the dad’s refusal to pay a big red flag? Shouldn’t that show he doesn’t care about the child’s needs?
You’d think so, but courts often still want both parents to have a relationship with their child unless there’s serious abuse or neglect involved. It’s not fair, but that’s the reality.
Your friend really needs to consider pushing for that child support. It could provide her with the financial stability she desperately needs to rebuild her life and support her child. Not seeking it might actually hurt her in the long run.
@Lily
Right, and she could definitely use the BC Family Maintenance Enforcement Program. They can help collect unpaid support, which might relieve some of her stress and help her focus on finding work.
@Cliff
That sounds like a smart move. It’s free to enroll, and they handle a lot of the heavy lifting when it comes to collecting payments. She should really look into it.
Yeah, not paying child support does not guarantee she’ll get full custody. Courts typically want both parents to remain involved unless there’s a significant issue, like abuse. It’s a sad reality, but that’s how it works.
@Whit
So, what you’re saying is that even if he’s a deadbeat, he might still get some custody? That seems unfair.
Gracie said:
@Whit
So, what you’re saying is that even if he’s a deadbeat, he might still get some custody? That seems unfair.
It really does seem unfair, but courts believe it’s important for kids to have relationships with both parents if possible. It’s definitely a complicated situation for her.
I think your friend might be hurting her own chances by not going after child support. It could show the court that she is trying to provide for her child, which might help her custody case.
Amos said:
I think your friend might be hurting her own chances by not going after child support. It could show the court that she is trying to provide for her child, which might help her custody case.
That makes sense. If she shows she’s responsible and trying to get her life together, it could definitely work in her favor.
@Yola
Yeah, it’s all about demonstrating that she’s doing her best for her child. I hope she figures it all out soon. It sounds like a really tough situation.