My ex and I broke up in October but we still live together. Right now, we technically both have placement. We just went to court and agreed to 50/50 custody, and we go back in June to finalize placement and child support.
We originally agreed on a 2-2-3 schedule for when I move out, but now he says he’s going to fight for full placement.
I have a drinking problem. We had a big argument, the cops were called, and I left for the night but came back the next day. I don’t drink every day—maybe once a month—but when I do, it can be a problem. I never drink when I’m alone with my daughter. Her dad is always there. I’m a good mom. She is well cared for, always fed, bathed, changed, and happy.
What are the chances he gets full placement? Can anyone talk to me about this? I’m really worried.
Based on what you’ve shared, he might have a strong case for full custody or at least supervised visits. This has been going on for a while, and you admit you’ve done things that could work against you in court. Plus, drinking while you were pregnant will be a huge issue.
You’ve been struggling with this for a long time, and you say drinking makes you black out. That’s a big deal when it comes to custody. Why should the court trust you to be alone with your child?
You keep blaming him for triggering you, but that won’t fly in court. If you really want custody, you have to take full responsibility. No excuses. Judges want proof that you recognize the problem and that you’re actually doing the work to fix it. That means staying sober, continuing therapy, going to AA, and having proof that you’re committed to recovery.
If you slip up again, if the cops get called again, or if you send angry texts, you’re making his case stronger. Every time you feel like drinking, ask yourself what’s more important—alcohol or your child?
If he has proof of your drinking, his chances are very high. A judge may not take the risk of you drinking while alone with your child. You could end up with supervised visits only.
Can you stop drinking completely? Can you commit to AA and therapy? These things can help you keep custody. If you qualify for a GLP-1 shot, some people say it helps reduce alcohol cravings too.
@Arun
I’m really trying. I go to AA almost every day, I see a substance abuse counselor, and I’m about to start an aftercare program for extra support.
Vine said: @Arun
I’m really trying. I go to AA almost every day, I see a substance abuse counselor, and I’m about to start an aftercare program for extra support.
That’s great! Your child needs you. Have you removed all alcohol from the house? Have you figured out what triggers you to drink and how to avoid it?
@Arun
There’s no alcohol in the house, and honestly, he is the biggest trigger. Living together is just not working. I have weak moments, but I pick myself back up and keep going. My daughter needs me, and I need her too!
@Vine
I get it, but you cannot go into court blaming him for your drinking. That will not work in your favor. You have to own this completely. Do you have any family nearby you can go to when things get too stressful?
ChristopherReed said: @Arun
That’s a reach. Just admit she needs to get sober first. Right now, she’s still making excuses and putting her kid in a risky situation.
Exactly. Sobriety has to come first, and making excuses won’t help in court.
You have time before court to prove you’re serious about getting help. Stick with treatment and document everything so you can show the judge you’re making real changes.
Vine said: @Barbara
We agreed on alcohol tests before. I went to treatment a year ago, and now I’m seeing a substance abuse counselor and going to AA meetings.
But you’re still drinking. Do you really want custody?