Quick recap at the end.
I’m trying to keep this simple. My ex can’t manage a 50/50 custody split, no matter what. I know some might disagree, but please don’t comment defending it.
A few months ago, we went through Domestic Conciliation (DC), and they set up a 60/40 split. During the process, my ex slipped and said he wanted 50/50 just to avoid paying child support. I can share the report from DC if needed.
Since then, his lawyer has been harassing me. They’ve been playing dirty, but it’s gotten worse. She says things on the phone and denies it later—using scare tactics and mild insults.
One time, while I was literally crying, I said, ‘I’d give him a child support discount if he would just admit his availability so we wouldn’t need to go to court.’ She ignored me and kept trying to push for an overnight stay he wasn’t even available for. (Also, for those who think I should give it to him, KS has the parental preference doctrine.)
I might have told my ex a few months back that I’d consider a discount, but I can’t remember. While settling assets, he brought up the 60/40 split with the discount. I said, ‘Let’s look at the numbers first, but I think we have an agreement.’
Last week, his lawyer sent over two child support calculations with our proposed divorce decree—one where I claim our daughter every year, giving him a big discount, and another where we alternate years. I replied, ‘I thought whoever the child physically lives with gets to claim them. I think we need a small hearing to let a judge decide.’
She fired back, asking if I’d agree to the discount if I could claim our daughter every year. I didn’t reply because I wasn’t sure I wanted to give any discount. (I made a post here and most people told me to take the money.)
On Monday, I told her I wasn’t agreeing to the discount. She got mad, accusing me of backing out, saying I’d promised it 10 times. I got frustrated and said, ‘My ex has made it clear—he’s fine with 40% custody as long as he doesn’t have to pay child support, just like the DC report says.’ She replied, ‘Your motives are clear now. We’ll be in touch soon.’
Now they’re threatening to back out of the asset agreement and reset everything. I’m curious if a judge could give him the discount because I mentioned it. He makes twice as much as me. We’re living paycheck to paycheck, and I’ve only just realized I’ve been using my tax refund to cover extra spending for months, but now that money’s gone.
Summary: I offered my ex a child support discount if he admitted his availability and agreed to the Domestic Conciliation report. He did, but I backed out. Now his lawyer says I’m showing my ‘true motives.’ Will a judge give him the discount because of this? Can going back and forth on negotiations lead to a judge stepping in? I thought both sides had to agree to a discount.
EDIT: Our daughter is 16 months old and stays home with me while I work. I believe he should pay full child support since I save him on child care, which he hates. He doesn’t want her in daycare because he doesn’t trust them.