I need some advice. I’m 35M and broke up with my ex (28F) after she went out drinking with some guy. Three weeks later, she came back saying she’s pregnant and swears nothing happened that night, so the baby is mine. We decided to try and work things out.
She moved in and paid about a quarter of the bills, but things went downhill fast. The verbal abuse turned into emotional abuse, and then it got physical. The second time she put her hands on me, I knew I had to get out. The only way I managed to leave was by recording her blocking the door and telling her to move. I spent two nights at my parents’ place, and when I got back, she had taken everything—even the food and toilet paper.
I waited a few days before reaching out to her dad to apologize for how things turned out and to let him know I was open to talking if they needed anything. Instead of a response, I got a threatening message. The next day, her dad showed up at my place, banging on my window and threatening me to come outside. I called the cops. When they got there, I asked if I could talk to him while they were present, but he was too angry to listen. He even threatened me in front of the officers. The next morning, I went to court and got a temporary restraining order. The hearing is in a few weeks.
Since then, she’s blocked me on everything. I only found out when I tried to send her money for an electric bill I had borrowed earlier.
So what happens now? What’s the next step for a paternity test or anything legal I should be doing?
This could be a mental health issue. Not saying women can’t be abusive, but the sudden extreme behavior makes me wonder if something deeper is going on.
Regardless, get a lawyer. Register with the paternity registry and get a test done once the baby is born. If there’s any chance her behavior is linked to mental health issues, that’s something a court might consider when deciding custody and parenting rights. Either way, you need legal support ASAP.
From what people are saying, I guess I should just lay low for now, hire a lawyer closer to July, and get a paternity test when the baby arrives. Not much else I can do at this point except stay calm and be prepared.
If you want to be involved in this child’s life, you need to register with the paternity registry ASAP. In some states, if she gives the baby up for adoption and you’re not on record, you might never even know.
Stop reaching out to them. You got a restraining order for a reason. No more calls, no more messages. If she needs anything from you, she can go through the court. Until there’s proof the kid is yours, go no contact with her and her entire family.
Maybe your parents could reach out to her family? Just to make it clear that you don’t even know if you’re the father, but you’ll take responsibility if a test proves you are. Make sure they know you’re not getting back together because of the abuse. Maybe even send them proof of what she did?
@Masitsa
Bad idea. If you’re scared enough to get a restraining order, you shouldn’t be contacting them in any way. That includes using other people to do it.
@Masitsa
If there’s a restraining order, you can’t be contacting them—directly or indirectly. Wait until the baby is born and go through legal channels.
First, you need to establish paternity. Either sign an acknowledgment of paternity with her or get a DNA test.
In some states, an unmarried mother has full custody until a court says otherwise. Even if she goes after you for child support, that doesn’t mean you automatically get rights. You’d still have to go to court for custody or visitation.
You have a few options:
Once the baby is born, ask for a test and then start custody discussions.
Do nothing and wait for her to take you to court (but that could mean back pay for child support).
Be proactive—get a lawyer now and plan ahead.
Think about what’s best for the baby and yourself.